What I have I will share with you

I've been here nine months now and things are going pretty well. There is a "Life Cycle" on how most PCVs feel during each portion of their service, i.e. during the first three months, then during months 4-6, etc. The Life Cycle was compiled by surveying PCVs in all the regions and countries where PC serves. I found out some interesting tidbits, such as in months 9 and 15 are when PCVs typically exerience the most depression, and when many PCVs decide to go home.

Letters from friends and family help a lot, as do comfort foods from home, connecting with new friends in country, and seeing how our contribution here is valuable. But ultimately, it is up to the individual volunteer to decide what kind of stay he/she will have.

I am doing well but it is still hard. I consider myself good with languages and cultures, but I'm still self-concious when I speak so that it's hard to be relaxed enough to make friends. I was talking with some of the other volunteers this weekend. We all agreed that when you move to a new culture/country, you give up so many things... one of which is your voice and your personality. You literally don't have the words to express them. It's coming back slowly, as my language skills improve.

You've heard about stress scale that gauges how much stress is in your life by assigning points to particular events that are considered more or less stressful, right? For example, losing a job might be 100 points, moving to a new house might be 80 points, etc. Losing a spouse (by death or divorce) is the highest amount of points on this scale because it is considered the most stressful thing that can happen. Something interesting that I heard recently was that the PC experience is around 3-4 times as stressful as losing a spouse!

I have no idea if that statistic is made up or real, nor where it comes from. But I don't doubt it. Not that I feel like I've lost a spouse, by any means! But the stress seems more like an accumulation of just a LOT of little things, for example the loss of having friends and/or family close by, plus the stress of leaving my old job and learning a new one, plus... At times I feel like I'm on top of the world. Other times, it's wicked hard. It's all day by day.

There are a lot of things that keep me going though, through the hard times: For example, seeing my kids (my students) smile at me. Knowing that I'm showing them something that they've never seen before: someone who's decided to stay in a hard place in order to make it better for everyone, rather than leave to someplace else where it's better for just me. Giving them ideas of how things in their lives and their country COULD be different. Showing them that if I can hope, they can hope too!